Thursday!

Happy Thursday y'all! I always really liked Thursdays. I couldn't tell you why.

We're about halfway through March now, and nothing new is really going on, but I figured I'd update as I'm sure you all would love to read me babble about my life.

First things first, I've got a March 2014 Jammin' playlist! Have a listen:

• Last week was spring "break." I worked 43 hours (in the calendar week; not the pay period) so it wasn't really much of a break for me, but I had the entire apartment to myself and luckily, as I'm sure I've said billions of times before, I love my job.
• Speaking of my job, it's going really really well. Aside from the fact that I still have an "in training" name tag from when mine fell into the toilet.................in January. I have a hunch that the woman in charge of ordering name tags just really doesn't like me (first impression of her was the day that I forgot to take out my lip ring, it was the holidays, I had a line of customers, and she loudly pointed out that I was breaking all the rules and I needed to take ALL of my piercings out and I probably had a tongue ring so I should take that out too............) because when my manager was in charge of ordering our name tags, it only took two weeks to get mine. But it's all good! Because it's just a name tag (though to me it was a symbol of my success and overcoming the terrible 2013 I was trying to conquer)! All is well. I cleaned up the booth last Wednesday and a couple of days ago I sent my manager my final "booth wishlist/project plan" for cleaning up and reorganizing our guest services booth. This year, our company is putting a lot of focus and emphasis on serving the customer, which I think is awesome - so it's just perfect timing that my manager is letting me take charge of cleaning up the booth! I feel really appreciated and respected by my manager and coworkers, and I think that has a lot to do with my love of the job. That, and the fact that I just really love customer service. This job has literally got me questioning my direction in life, considering the fact that I could see myself working at this mall for a long time and making a career out of it.............but that's thinking way too far into the future, so I'm just enjoying the fact that I'm loving the work that I do and the pay is good.
• School is another story. I have less prepaid credits left than I do remaining credits for my degree. I hate college. I have hated it since I started. I would just drop out and forget about it but unfortunately the working world will generally deem you worthless without a degree and I don't want to be stuck working part-time college kid jobs for the rest of my life... well, being realistic, I want to be a badass housewife one day. But unfortunately, that's an unrealistic and unacceptable-according-to-society aspiration these days soooooooo I'll just keep saying that I'm a psychology major and one day I want to be a counselor. I do really enjoy psychology. I also really enjoy sociology, and I've gotten to take a lot of really interesting classes under both majors. I just wish I could've figured out what I wanted to do with my life earlier in college so I wouldn't be stuck stressing about not being able to pay for college after three years of not having to worry about it. 
• See? College sucks. We need more options. I deserve more options. Half the reason I'm running out of credits is because I would bite off more than I could chew and then find myself in such a deep depressive state that I'd just panic and give up and drop classes on the withdrawal deadline. I'm healthy now and I wouldn't do that now... but, damn, I deserve some flexibility. And thanks to all of the mental battles I faced in college, my GPA is not even close to good enough for a scholarship. It's depression. Oh well.
• On a happier note, lots of rattie socializing has been going on in the Lair of the Goddess, and that's been much appreciated.
• I don't think I have much more to talk about, and I need to get ready for work, so enjoy the pictures from the last couple of weeks below!

Have a lovely Thursday!

"Tired" doesn't even begin to describe it.

I am exhausted. I am burnt-out and broken down. I am over-worked, under-motivated, and yet my mind is constantly racing with ideas, to-do lists, worries, needs, wants. My body can't keep up with my mind and my mind can't keep up with the world.

Just like my energy, my attention span and motivation are waning. If I am not staring aimlessly at nothing, my brain is constantly coming up with new thoughts that MUST(!!!!!) be remembered or taken care of or written down. And so most of the time, I am left with either an unrealistically long to-do list, or an overwhelming plague of disappointment because I couldn't remember that idea, that thing I needed to do, that blog post I wanted to write.

I am at work right now; a place I am finding myself quite often lately. I don't really mind it. The job is wonderful, for the most part, and as far as I'm aware, I'm not disappointnig the higher-ups in any way. However, that damn mind of mine is constantly bringing me down.

While at work (in down time - usually there are lulls at the booth), I wanted simply to study for the statistics final that I have tomorrow at 7am.

Instead, I started typing up a simple study guide, and quickly gave up for lack of attention and anxiety over the fact that I have a 7am final and I won't be home until 11pm at the earliest and I'm far less than prepared for this final than I'd like to be and college is overwhelming and I don't know what I'm doing with it and at this point I'd rather just drop out.

See what I mean? It's overwhelming.

All week I've been trying to take a break from staring aimlessly or endless task lists by sitting down and writing in my journal, catching up on some television, scrapbooking, whatever. Just something relaxing; preferably something that requires some focus and creative energy.

My theme for anything I've done this week has been "slow down." It's written in giant, colorful letters on at least two days in my planner this week.

The problem, however, is that I feel like I don't have time, and maybe I don't. I don't know.

All I know is that it's finals week, my psychiatrist is missing in action, my therapist can't get me in to see her, CVS is out of my crazy pills, and constantly failing at keeping up with my racing mind is not helping.

So, my dearest followers, I have some advice. Whether you're dealing with work stress, school stress, family stress, holiday stress, something else, all of the above, whatever:

Slow down.

The laundry will be folded. The groceries will be bought. The checkbooks will be balanced and regardless of the outcome, this semester will be over soon. And no matter what happens, you will feel better when it's all over and you know that, if anything, you survived.

I'm trying to take this to heart, myself. I have a massive problem with not living in the moment - quite common among those who suffer from notable anxiety issues. Earlier today - and I wish I remembered what I had actually thought - I told myself that I'm not living in the moment. I was living in the two hours from now, ten hours from now, a week from now, a decade from now, and I needed to snap back into the moment.

I have since been brought back to my usual state of future-panic, but I had a nice morning of peace in which I was able to run some necessary errands (deposit check at the bank, pay rent, try to fill prescription, check mail, get textbook from Ryan's) while enjoying Christmas music and not panicking about the fact that I'd be leaving for work in a few hours and I wish there was more time in the day.

Just slow down every once in a while. Regardless of how I do on my final tomorrow, or how my grade comes out in the class, I know I'll be significantly more relaxed on Monday when all of my work is done for a month.

Your kids will still hug you, even if you can only provide a $50 Christmas. Your parents will still love you, even if you fail that test. Your significant other won't hate you if some comfort or ease in the relationship is sacrificed in order for you to do something you love.

And if they do, maybe they need to slow down, too.